So I know this is coming in super late but I think I JUST got over my Bachelor Monday hangover. Three hours!!!!! ABC, this girl has a bedtime she needs to keep up with.
The best part about this episode: LOTS and LOTS of Chris Harrison. CH, I missed ya. The worst part: That breakup. That was BRUTAL.
But we finally figured out who will be the next Mrs. Higgins (or at least get to be the next contestant on ‘Dancing with the Stars’). Instead of breaking the episode down in detail, here are my top 10 moments from the finale. Some are good, some are bad, some were painful, awkward and embarrassing to watch.
10. Ben’s Parents – Dave and Amy. Dave and Amy were really shining bright like diamonds in Jamaica. Dave – so sensitive, understanding and patient with a great head of silver fox hair. Amy – pragmatic, focused, tough yet understanding and welcoming. These two were truly lovely. I bet them enjoyed some canoeing and paddle board lessons during their downtime while having just a couple drinks – nothing too wild and crazy for these folks.
The girls worked hard to win over the Higgins and while it seemed that Lauren had the initial edge (and I think she stole Dave’s heart too), Jojo came in strong with her willingness to be open with her feelings. Amy gave her the edge since she thought Jojo and Ben could really be besties for the long haul and honestly, who could know more about finding a great bestie for a husband than Amy, the girl who won Dave’s heart.
9. Having both Lauren & Jojo’s Parents Backstage. WOOF. I’m not sure my parents would agree to all that especially if they knew already that I didn’t win. I mean, they had to know right? Here’s hoping Jojo’s parents green room was stocked with wine and champagne for Soraya to chug when things got awkward.
8. I Love You-Gate. Ben had to finally come clean about dropping the ‘I love you’ bomb on both Jojo and Lauren. Lauren went more of the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ route while Jojo needed to know what was up. That whole scene where they locked themselves in the bathroom gave me a serious case of the sads. It was like the writing was there on the wall (no weird bathroom pun/visuals intended) but she just didn’t see it. I feel like Jojo asked because in the back of her mind, she knew. Ben should have really backed off a little then though. I thought reinforcing the feelings then was tough – especially when you know he probably had made up his mind.
But in his defense, this whole thing did come after another day spent making out under a waterfall.
7. Ben, Jojo and a Waterfall. Clearly the producers knew they had found a good thing after Ben and Jojo’s first waterfall date. Oh, another excuse to get Jojo in a skimpy bikini and have her stand under running water, yes please. I like how they just ran it back with this one. Hey, why mess with a good thing.
Seriously though, I felt like I was just watching the same thing they showed last week. Not that it was a bad thing, the Jojo fan club at my house (my husband + five year old son and yes, we let our son watch The Bachelor with us – save your judgement for some other parenting fail of mine) was extremely happy about the whole redo.
6. Flying in Style. Shoutout to Sandals for bringing the gals meet their maker in style. Forget those lame-ass black SUV’s, Lauren and Jojo showed up strong to the final rose in a helicopter. Nothing is more quintessentially Bachelor than a good helicopter ride. Also, nothing like adding an extra dose of anxiety. These girls were already in fits wondering whether Ben would propose to them or cut them loose. Rather than let them simmer in that anxiety alone, they’re like ‘hop in this helicopter – ALONE – while we fly you over open waters.’ If that thing crashes, no way they could escape in those fancy dresses.
5. Neil Lane. That’s it. Just so happy to have Neil there. Love that guy. So tan, so great.
4. So Long JoJo. OMG. This breakup was ROUGH. First off, why oh why do they make the girls (or guys on The Bachelorette) do a full monologue when they get there? I think everyone knows that if you make it to the final two that you’re invested in some kind of relationship. There is no need for them to make these long confessions of love right before getting kicked to the curb.
When Jojo was up to bat, we knew things weren’t going to go well (despite looking like a beautiful Easter Egg in that dress) so there was a lot of hiding under blankets and mindless Instagram scrolling to save us from dying of secondary embarrassment. When Ben dropped the inevitable and loaded “BUT” we all but died. Drew repeatedly asked me to fast-forward but I made us stick it out and watch the full break-up. I just wanted to jump through the screen, wrap Jojo in a big giant bear hug, point at Ben and say something protective and mom-ish like “You should be ashamed of yourself” before directing her off to a safer form of transportation back to the hotel where there would be bottles of champagne and lots of cake. Instead, we watched as Jojo held her own and even agreed to let Ben walk her out. Ugh, there’s another gripe – why does he always want to walk them out and share all his feelings?
Jojo was, of course, an understanding doll-baby and cemented her status as the fan-favorite pick for The Bachelorette.
3. Love you long time Lauren. So the breakup was brutal but the proposal was so sweet, I totally forgot how mad I was at Ben for putting Jojo through all that. First off, I couldn’t help but love it when he called up Poppa Bushnell to ask his permission to propose to Lauren. So. Darn. Cute. Dave and Amy were probably watching on, beaming with pride. Then, Lauren showed up looking like the perfectly boring 10 that she is. Extra bonus points for rocking a Kentucky blue dress. Looking good girl. Go Cats!
Lauren gave her adorable little speech about loving Ben forever and he reciprocated without dropping the nuclear “BUT” bomb (haha – ‘but’ bomb). He looked all nervous and precious when he got down on one knee to propose with a ring that he didn’t have to pay for. As a side note, I will say that the ring choice wasn’t my favorite but again, my opinion unfortunately counts very little. He proposed and they talked about being each other’s person. It was sweet and lovely and I think these two crazy reality tv kids might make it… at least six months. No, really, I think these two may be getting CH to officiate their televised and sponsored wedding in the next year.
2. Ben’s Pastor. Speaking of televised weddings, ABC loves to push the totally absurd. If you thought for a second that Ben was going to get married on the ‘After the Final Rose’ special, you are crazy. Props to Ben’s hometown pastor for accepting that free trip to LA but I think we all knew there was no chance they were going to get married in front of a bunch of over-served Bachelor-fanatics and Ben’s ex-girlfriend on that cheesy sound stage. If that wasn’t enough, you KNOW he needs to assemble all his IU bros along with Lauren’s gaggle of flight attendant besties.
1. Lauren FTW. You go Lauren B. Yes, you may be a little boring but you were adorable all season and it was clear from day one that you had stolen ole Mr. Higgins heart. Here’s hoping you stick with the flight attendant gig and don’t start over-selling your Instagram with teeth whiteners, protein shakes and bell-bands (I’m looking at you Jade and Michelle Money). I’m also hoping you two don’t veer into the Sean & Catherine territory of over-sharing and showing up on random reality shows.
Also, serious question. Were her legs always that skinny? They were so thin on the finale that I got nervous that she would be able to stand up on them. She looked fab.u.lous in that dress but her legs were so crazy tiny. Maybe I just can’t tell proportions now that I’m a giant pregnant gal. Either way, props to you for finding your person Lauren.
The biggest honorable mention goes to Jojo who was looking like a total babe at ‘After the Final Rose.’ That dress was fire and she was looking ‘eat your heart out Ben’ good. I wanted her to walk out to the song “My Goodies” and then do a little twirl before sitting down. I’m also SUPER relieved that she is going to be the next Bachelorette and not Caila. I was going to have to sit out a season if Caila got called up from the minor leagues.
So yeah, that’s a wrap on another great season. There were lots of highs, cries and lows. Lots of girls on uppers and girls going down (for various reasons). Next up is Bachelor in Paradise right? That is the true pinnacle so I’m already counting down to that summer special. Until then… stay tuned!