Can we talk for a quick sec? No worries if you’re not in the mood. I totally get it but I gotta get something off my chest so stick with me or just head out now.

Sweet, glad you’re still here. So lately I have been in a never ending cycle – wake up, rush out the door, attempt to get crap done at work, rush out the door at 4:45 realizing I haven’t accomplished even half of what I need to, drive like a crazy person to pick up kids, dinner, clean, sleep.  The biggest hole in my day is the time at work, the time when I’m supposed to be super productive, get everything done and enjoy a few minutes of quiet. All I know is work days that used to crawl by, now speed past in a heartbeat. The worst part, I feel like I have little to nothing to show for it (or so it seems).

I feel like I used to be productive, ticking items off my to-do list with the quickness. Tackling items one by one and filling myself with the sort of ridiculous pride Type A people get from checking to-dos off a list. At least then I felt some sort of empty accomplishment, now I can’t even muster that up.

I know I’m not alone when I say that I feel like I am always juggling too many balls and constantly worried that I’m about to drop them all. Case in point, earlier this week Drew told me I should sign up for a workout class with him. I put him off saying I had too much to do – I needed to get some work done then come home and clean up the house. He persisted and as I went to sign up for the class, I found out I had already booked it. He asked me how I could forget that I signed up? And as I was explaining to him that I’m constantly trying to remember five (or more depending on the day at work) people’s schedules, I got a text reminding me I had a meeting in 30 minutes. I’d totally forgotten about it as well. Cue me running off like a crazy person to said meeting and then squeezing in an unplanned workout. Thankfully that’s not an every day occurrence but it still happens frequently enough to leave me frazzled and running late.

I know this is some serious complaining when I have absolutely nothing to complain about. But sometimes this priority on having the perfect life compounded with the focus on staying busy is just too much.When did we all get so concerned with being busy? There’s no award for being the busiest. There’s certainly no bonus – at least not for me. I’ve come to realize in the last few months that the last thing I want to be is busy, frazzled and late. It’s a hard cycle to break but I’ve been trying to say no, attempted to set out time during the day to focus on what I need to get done, try to put my phone away when I’m hanging with the kids. That’s not to say I’m succeeding in any of these fronts either but at least I’m trying and that’s something right?

Really all I want to do is spend a lazy day reading a book and drinking coffee but the reality is that I haven’t read a book in over a year and by read, I mean actually read- audio books have filled a tiny hole but I still haven’t listened to one of those in months. My house is a disaster – with crumbs galore and the appearance of having moved in only weeks ago when it’s actually been more than six months {insert emoji with hands covering face here}.

I say this all to combat the appearance that I’ve got it all together because that is certainly not the case. I hear a lot, “I don’t know how you do it all,” and honestly I’m not doing it all. I’m doing a little here, a little there just to try and get by. Enough at work to keep my clients happy, just enough of the blog to keep it going (you’ve probably noticed I’m doing the worst in this category), trying to focus on my kids without distraction, attempting to hang out with friends, squeezing in a workout here and there, seeing if it’s at all possible to get mildly involved at school. But sometimes just the thought of trying to keep it together makes me want to let it all fall apart.

Clearly, that’s not an option since I’ve got kids to take care of and bills (on bills on bills) to pay. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy trying to hold it all together but sometimes it’s all just too much. And I think that’s when we all hit the breaking point. The prevailing mentality is that you power through, you act like you’ve got it covered, figure out a way to tackle the problem. But it’s okay sometimes to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to know you’re still a good mom even if you can’t make the crafts for the Halloween party, still a good friend if that birthday card is a day or two late, still a decent wife even if dinner is something frozen and you don’t get a free moment to talk without distraction until 9:30 pm.

At the end of the day, the guilt is real. But it doesn’t have to be paralyzing. I’m still trying to figure that last part out though so if you have any tips, send them my way.

And I promise it will be back to outfit pics, sale updates, fall fashions and suspiciously cropped images of my home looking mildly put together soon.

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