Here’s a little real talk: getting back in shape post-baby is rough.

It’s been eight weeks now and while I feel like I’m getting there – every time I step on the scale, I am harshly reminded that I’m still a good 20 lbs away – yup, 20.

With each of my kids I gained at least 50 lbs. With Blake, I did my best to keep working out and avoiding over indulging. For that I was rewarded with simply gaining 55 lbs. With Reese, it was over 65 lbs and with Drew, I stopped counting. No really, they stopped letting me see the scale the last few weeks. All that extra weight is something I’m not used to and something I’m always anxious to get rid of. STAT. And then there’s the issue of clothes – there’s nothing more defeating than thinking you look good only to try on piles of clothes to find that, literally nothing fits. For me, it takes all the air out of the excitement for a fun night out or just an afternoon of running errands.

As an admitted Vain Vanessa, I started jogging – granted it was exceptionally slowly –  just a couple days afterwards. I started running within the week and I went back to Orange Theory after three or four weeks. While I’m definitely motivated to get back in shape, be healthy and feel good – I can’t lie and say that’s the only reason. That’s just the reason I say or lie about when asked.

But let’s be real, the biggest reason is to LOOK good. There’s a lot of pressure on us ladies to rebound back into shape within moments of having a baby. There’s countless women on Instagram who are back in super skinny jeans and tight tops in what seems like 10 minutes. I’m certainly not mad at those girls, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m super jealous. But we’ve come to think of that as the norm rather than the exceptionally lucky.

We’ll all sit around and say there’s not pressure but we all know there is. It’s frustrating and frankly, unrealistic.

And I’m just as much to blame as the girls that snap back into shape like a rubber band. I may not be back in my normal size but I’ve acted like working out a hot second after having a baby was easy, that it was normal. It wasn’t easy and while it’s normal for some people, we all need to recognize that it isn’t for every one. I’ve perpetuated the idea that we should all be back in our size {2,4,6,8,10’s} by the time we’re rolled out of the hospital. For that, I apologize.

I know there’s a lot of talk about how we need to be more accepting of each other’s looks but I know, firsthand, it’s much easier to talk the talk than walk the walk. I’ve deleted pictures that weren’t flattering, made sure camera angles only accentuated the best and acted like the whole thing is a breeze. It’s not.

Personally, I love working out. I love classes – Orange Theory is my favorite but I’m a sucker for spinning too – and I feel accomplished after a good run. By far the most rewarding is having an improved, much more positive attitude after a good sweat sesh. Of course, I also love the results but they haven’t come nearly as quickly as I would like and that’s okay. That probably isn’t helped by the fact that I also love chocolate chip cookies, pasta and a cocktail. But I’m not giving those up anytime soon.

So from here on out, I’m going to do my best to showcase the good, bad and ugly (those will mostly be on Snapchat – you’ve been forewarned).

p.s – I’ll share more of this workout outfit (and these sneakers that I’m obsessed with) tomorrow.