You guys, I thrive on order and structure. I tell you this so you can understand why this season of The Bachelorette has me totally flustered. People just leaving right smack in the middle of an episode. Rose ceremonies at the beginning or is it the middle? No wait it’s back to the end. What the what is going on? Chris Harrison – WHERE ARE YOU? Clearly you’ve been kind of letting this one pass you by but I need you to step in and reel this s**t in.

Add to that the utter lack of reliable helicopter dates, hot tub nights and gang of dudes in matching scarves and I am totally out of whack. This season needs an intervention. And someone to help Nick stop doing weird things with his hands. But that’s neither here nor there.

Last night’s episode was all over the place and so are my top five moments. Confession: I was only half paying attention the entire episode. When structure is lost so is my attention span.

* Sayonara Kentucky Joe.  Kaitlyn’s had a real knack for embarrassing the bejeezus out of the guys this season. Usually there’s the one guy that gets a little in over his head and then we all painfully watch while he’s brought back down to reality. Unfortunately, this has happened over and over again this season which makes for some epic secondary embarrassment.

Last night was Kentucky Joe’s turn and it was brutal. After telling her he could kiss her for the next 60 years (sorry just typing that is giving me the willies), Kaitlyn lets him know that she can’t bear kissing him for the next 6 seconds let alone the next 60 years. Oh yeah and  before that he told her he was in love with her to which she responded with a solid “thanks bro.” So there was that. Woof.

In true bro fashion, he had to show her that this was totally not cool and act like a dick. Understandably he got his feelings hurt but instead of realizing that he’s on a show competing for love where he had literally no chance in hell of winning, he acted like she just said he had a small weiner and stopped around like a four-year-old.

Joe picked up his toys and jumped on the first plane back to Winchester. See you on Bachelor in Paradise bud!

* Shawn. I’m going to start by saying that I definitely think Shawn wins but jeez, this guys is dramatic. The cockatoo hair should have been a hunt but this guy is the biggest sensitive Sally since “Guard and Protect Your Heart” Casey. Calm down buddy.

Shawn has been in the middle of a Stage Five Freakout since Nick waltzed in with his hoodie and hand gestures. Kaitlyn has attempted to keep his crazy under control but he’s all can’t stop, won’t stop. At first I was in firm agreement and wanted him to kick Nick’s skeezy ass but now I just want them both to wrestle off the side of the cliff where they left Cupcake. Aren’t we all a little bored with this whole he said, he said yet? I’m exhausted with the whole thing and I’m just half-watching it on TV once a week. Surely if you were in the middle of living this you’d tell them to give it a rest. Ben H. should win for just staying out of this stupid mess.

Oh yeah and the whole sex confessional had me wanting to run and flee from the room. I mean, I get why she told him but having to watch that was no bueno. Mostly because I knew it would only add fuel to Shawn’s slow simmering crazy fire. And it just made the rest of the episode dedicated ENTIRELY to this mess. Enough.

Ben H. Speaking of Ben, isn’t he just the cutest. Seriously, he is the cutest and by far, the best fit for her. Which means he will 100% not win. Kaitlyn and Ben seem to have fun, talk about things that aren’t Nick or Shawn and look like they genuinely enjoy each other’s company. But since he’s not trying to paw off her clothes at every opportunity, she’s not sure of the connection.

Hey Kaitlyn, I get that you say Nick makes you feel like a WOOOMAN. And that getting all boozed up with him leads to a “serious connection” (apparently that’s what the kids are calling it these days), but it seems like you should pick someone that you can actually stand being around without four pints of Guinness. Ben H. is that guy.

Your loss will hopefully be America’s gain when he is picked to be the next Bachelor. Don’t mess this up ABC. We want Ben H. next season. Don’t send him to Bachelor in Paradise purgatory.

Side note: Of course Ben H. is not a virgin. C’mon Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn’s Accent. Is it me or was Kaitlyn’s accent hardly noticeable on The Bachelor? It wasn’t even that noticeable at the beginning of this season but Ireland has really brought out the Canadian in Kaitlyn. Those o’s are eey’s are coming strong as she explores the Irish countryside. I try not to be distracted by it but when the camera is focused super tight on her face and the accent comes on strong, I get totally disoriented. Maybe that’s what’s making Shawn act so crazy too. I see a direct correlation.

The “To Be Continued…” Show Down. I’ve already mentioned how annoyed I am with the lack of structure in this season so I won’t beat a dead horse on that but I think the endless “To Be Continued…” episodes should also be addressed. I get that this season is SO DRAMATIC. Like so crazy dramatic that all the drama can’t possibly be contained in two hours (seriously though, it can be – two hours is a really long time) but can we quit with the “to be continued” cliff hangers?

To say I could care less about Nick and Shawn fighting is an understatement. Now is Ben H. was involved, my ears would perk up and I’d feign actually interest (why is my best boy fighting?) but these two? Haven’t we seen enough of this for the last FIVE EPISODES!?! We get it, you hate each other. You’re going to bad mouth each other. Shawn can’t stand that Nick got it in first. Nick thinks Shawn is a pig with bad hair (okay I added in that last part but you know he’s totally thinking that). Haven’t you guys done enough sword fighting? Save some of it for the Men Tell All Special because this is BORING.

I know it’s cheesy but all this girl wants is some corny lines, a few handsy hot tub dates, conquering a fear of heights cliff jump  and some swimming in the ocean. Is that too much to ask for?

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In other news, Jared and his lip beard is finally gone (he was so sad but such a gentleman) so it’s down to the final three. Jared was sad. Kaitlyn was sad. Bachelorette Nation attempted to care. Oh and there were some fantasy suites so Kaitlyn got down and we all had to watch Nick with his shirt off. Woof.

I say we all spend the next week preparing our hearts for Ben H’s departure and getting excited for the return of Neil Lane (it’s getting so close… can’t wait to see that tan!).

Until then… stay tuned.