Feeling overwhelmed this holiday? Me freaking too.
I can hardly look at social media without feeling like I’ve forgotten something on my to-do list. The perfect Christmas tree, hot chocolate under a sufficiently cozy blanket while watching Elf and buying presents for everyone on your list (don’t forget your UPS man, next door neighbors, teachers aids and a few dozen other people you totally forgot you needed to thank). Plus you have to make sure your house is clean, your kids are full of the holiday spirit and your Christmas cards are in the mail. WHO HAS TIME FOR ALL OF THIS?!? And those of you that do, will you come help… I need your help.
I’m sitting here with less than a week until Christmas and I’m over it. So here’s a few tips for when you’re sitting in mall traffic ready to rear end the car in front of you.
1. Tell Your Kids Christmas is Cancelled.
Forget trying to move that damn Elf all over your house to get them to listen. Just cancel Christmas. Pro Tip: Put a big red X on the calendar to show them you really mean it. Then toss all the presents in your basement and tell them they can have them next year. Yes, crying and tantrums will ensue but I’m thinking that if you can stick with it for like 2 days, your kids will get their s**t together. I may try this tonight.
2. Play Feliz Navidad REALLY REALLY LOUD.
I love Christmas music but there’s one song that never ceases to make me smile. Sometimes when my kids are being annoying themselves I blast it to drown out the fighting or cries for McDonald’s that they won’t end up eating. All the while basking in the glow of one of Christmas’ little miracles.
Fun fact: When I was a kid, I used to listen to this on my dad’s record player and run in circles around our dining room table. No dancing, just running.
3. Make a Festive Cocktail.
There’s a lot of things that intimidate me on Pinterest and really pretty cocktails are right up there on the list. Muddling is not my strong suit and peeling an orange into one of those cute spirals is hard. You know what else is hard? Making pretty Christmas cookies. But at the end of the process, and it’s a process, a cocktail is WAY more rewarding. So find one of those fancy-ass recipes and do your darnedest to make one yourself. It’s mildly relaxing, incredibly rewarding and you don’t have to share with your kids. Pro Tip: play Feliz Navidad while you muddle.
4. Put Up Your Out of Office Even When You’re Working.
This may say something about me but there is nothing that quells my anxiety like turning on my out of office reply. In the past, that puppy would already be up and I’d be somewhere enjoying a festive cocktail that some nice bartender whipped up for me. This year, the whole self-employed thing means I’m tasked with staying on top of things for clients over the holidays. Damn you social media and your need for constant updates.
Here’s the thing though, there are some people that I just don’t want to deal with right now. I’m guessing you have a list of people you’re not in the mood for right now too. By January 4th I’ll be ready for them – but now, not so much. So I’m thinking of putting that bad boy up just to deter people from contacting me. I highly suggest you do the same. That is, unless you’re taking a nice long vacation to enjoy everything about the holidays and already have it up. If so, I just have one question – can I come too?
5. Watch Home Alone alone.
First off, Home Alone is my favorite holiday movie ever so I am using this platform to tell everyone that they absolutely must watch it this year and every year. But it’s on this list because it will make you feel WAY better about your parenting skills. Well, as long as you set aside the part about the McAllister’s being a bunch of Richie Riches who can afford that fancy house and a trip to Paris for that big ass family – freeloading aunt and uncle included.
If you can make it to your holiday destination without shaming your child to the attic (which I fully understand) or leaving them behind, you’re winning. And if your Christmas dinner includes more than a Stoeffer’s Mac n Cheese, you’re ahead of Kevin. Although I doubt any of us could concoct an elaborate plan to thwart the Wet Bandits. So focus on the mac n cheese part. It’s the little things right?
There you have it. Five tips that will surely help you survive this holiday. I can’t promise it will be pretty or that you’ll impress your friends and family, but you’ll make it out alive.
If you thought this post was going to bring some clarity to your holiday season, my b. I’ve just been seeing so many posts telling everyone on how to make the most out of their holiday and thought it was time we all got real for a second. Oh and if you want a bonus tip: walk around with a can of Lysol spraying everyone you come into contact with because this flu going around is SERIOUS business. Do whatever it takes to avoid getting it and if that means avoiding touching your kids without gloves for the next week, do it. It’s that bad.